When I live up in my head, I have the most delightful dreams about reality. I hope for the best regarding my actions and the results of them. Yet I have sat still long enough to understand something anew: hope is reliant upon fear. It limits by its expectation. And there is something about expectation that is manipulative. Expectation is manipulation.
There.
I’ve said it.
Hear me.

Expectation is manipulation.
Moment to moment.

Up in my head, I make the words seem so important and the inflection matter. It’s part of my challenge with texting. I can’t catch those nuances. For I want those nuances. I want to hear the emotion behind the words, so as to really appreciate the conversation that you and I are engaged in. And what of the actions? So a question presents:

What if the collection of choices in my life have been perfect from start to now…

Right parents. Right Sister. Right Neighbor. Right friendship.  
Right backyard. Right haircut. Right attention. Right meal.
Right travel. Right work. Right donation. Right hand dominance
Right time management. Right self management.
Right Passage. Right Partner. Right Play.
Right effort. Right Presence.

Moment to moment.

As a child, I was taught that I could do anything that i set my mind to. That was a wonderful way to grow up, with the suggestion that there was anything that I could be. I wasn’t modeled ways of making that my reality. I wasn’t offered methods of honing the mind. Life has a funny way of offering inspiration.

Retrofitting my understanding to those years ago, I see that my teachers were perfect. I called them in to encourage me in all the ways that I required. I write this from a train in London. Perfect. All the choices and moments that got me here. Perfect.

I want what I want. I want to dream it in. I craft fantasies that suggest limitless potential and the comrades that I shall share that time with. It is a way that I have come to manipulate myself.

Moment to moment.

It is lovely to dream. It’s wonderful. Don’t lose the dream, I tell myself. Temper it with a realistic appraisal of the truths present in this moment. Move from that place.

Today i am leading with non judgement. Of myself. Of another. I cannot describe for you the peace that I am finding in just allowing the world to be. To not force my will upon it, to not shape it with my intent. I have them, mind you. Intents. The difference is that I am allowing life to present itself as it wants to be.

Moment to moment.

It is perfect. In all its variations, it explodes with charismatic light. Unique variations in the play of life keep the light dancing like the flame of a candle. Did you know the light from that flame can reach the edge of the universe? It is a wondrous thing.

Albert Einstein said that we can treat the universe as one of two things: as though nothing is a miracle and as if everything is. That invite. I take it with me. My friendships. My work. My play. My family. I allow my expectations to fall away and I am inspired in the present to practice.

Moment to moment.

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