I am going to be honest.

Honest with myself. Honest with you.

Honest with the man that I am, and the man that I am nurturing.

Of the man that I believe I am capable of being.

I believe I am worthy of his highest.

I believe you are too.

And that is why I long for you. Why I seek your company. How being present may impart magic in those precious moments, when we are together.

I believe in the beauty that we could be. In the shared inspirations. In the infinite possibilities we already are.

I want to tell you how my chest is broad and deep. Of the richness that can be found there.

My genuine laugh fills a room. It comes partnered with a smile that can light one. They relate by shared interests: kindness, compassion and the primordial spark. It’s how they discovered one another.

For too long, lacking a frame within which to create, my energy has challenged women to be present with me.

I have poured love into others so fiercely. I worked past boundaries I felt didn’t belong. I did not ask permission. I exploited women’s soft spot for being listened to attentively, and I found it easy to do.

In neglecting to direct any of these attentions towards myself, I fed cravings. My present moment exercise siphoned time and attention. Indulging superficially did little for meaningful pursuits.

I am tired.

I will go on no longer, meandering in this cycle of skin deep.

I have found it hard to draw water from a dry well.

So for all of my longing, my attention, my desire to connect, I am stepping back, turning in, to see what I need of me. Crafting a frame for my existence, so that creation can be held.

I shall listen closer for all the love I wish for you, and how that makes you feel, for my own self.

To link the worthy chain forged by my ancestors.

To replenish the well.

I’m still practicing…

 

 

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